Growing up

It's been a month plus growing up, learning to survive in the real world without too much dependence. It wasn't easy I must say. It's difficult for me to focus or think straight; for me to find interest in anything, and even food just tasted so blend. There wasn't even much motivation for me to knock off after work, nothing much to look forward during the weekends.

And with that note in mind, I actually spent all my time at home after work. Even during weekends. As much as I missed those days, I'd rather avoid reminding myself too much being outside. Every corner, every little thing just haunts you with those moments, moments that seemed like a broken record player, continuously replaying over and over again. It's hard to control those emotions as they come flooding like a rapid stream.

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Back at work, we've finally begin our 2.5 weeks training. Met a lot of experienced and new people, so much to learn from them. Not just about the industry, but a whole lot on life purposes and motivations.

A little sidetrack; something to jump for joy. We've got lots of funfilled activites coming up for the entire year planned by the welfare people. Mini-bar might be introduced to our meeting room, a place for employees to chill and relax, grab some tequila on the rock or play some Wii. Movie screenings, archery, games and sports would also be lined up for everyone, including the final bang with a "Princess and Knights" theme for D&D at the end of the year. Should be fun :)

Anyway, just today, was talking to some young bankers. Most of them about 25 - 31. Long-established relationships, everyone is planning to get married. And one of them, turning 29 this year, already had 3 kids! And as he talked about his wife and kids, everyone was feeling the weight of such long term 'commitment' to family, worrying about ditching that singlehood-party-life. The common question that everyone asked was, "So you officially have NO life!" On the contrary, I could see that glow of love and bliss in his expression as he replied with a gentle smile, and a stealing glance at his mobile wallpaper of his lovely three children. And he said,

"No. It's the beginning of a new life."

Touched. I was really touched. Dreams and thoughts about what I had for the past few years, suddenly seemed more evident than ever. Something that I never knew that it was even there.

But it was there all along. Except it was hidden somewhere.

Perhaps, I was just too afraid to face it. . afraid the negative possibilites of it. The whole idea of parenthood was such a horrific phase in life, one that i've always wanted to escape from. But somehow, the intensed feelings of bliss of being a mother and a loving wife just flushed through my entire body. The lifetime commitment to love and care for your other half; the willingness to build a family of jumpy offsprings, whom shall become the most beautiful creation of love between two person.

It would not be as easy as it seemed, but amidst the trials and obstacles, the process of going through together would be the sweetest reward of our purpose in life.

Love, this paradoxically annoying yet wonderful thing, allows the feelings of joy and sadness coexist together. Such fusion is the toughest mental war to fight, when love and hate collides.

What measures the depth of love? How genuine can these strong feelings be?

No one will know until both pain and bliss is felt; no one will know until the power of love tests your level of tolerance, perseverance and determination even during the most pesimissitic state.

Love is also the best driver in everyone's life. Be it love from our parents, love from our friends, or even love from our other halves. It gives you the strength and reason to believe, that it even existed in the first place.

Growing up..