Defeated

I admit there is no way I can escape this defeat, but it is one that I will never be able to face it. Least for the next few years.

There's no words to express how I actually feel now. Not anger or sadness. Just . . loss. Loss of words and thoughts. It's blank.

But the funny thing is, all I could feel is that I wanted to cry. And at the same time, this is the one thing I don't ever want to do. Because there is no reason to! Maybe it's just a natural (and only) reflex now, to be watching all that happen. It's like watching the enemy cosily resting in my personal space and do nothing. And let an outsider be involved with things I cherish most. And watch how they can be so big hearted and face the world with a smile. And maybe, because anyone who knows what this is about will think it's no big deal and I should just move on since nothing could be done.

Seriously, if you can tell me that, you certainly don't know how I feel and never empathise how I feel. Yes, I shoulder consider the fact that there are innocent parties too, but the best I can do is that we don't cross each others' lines, and pretend we don't know each other.

Tell me, how am I supposed to get over this?